202 Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin
.jpeg)
Mulla Nasrudin went to the psychiatrist and asked if the good doctor couldn't split his personality.
"Split your personality?" asked the doctor. "Why in heaven's name do you want me to do a thing like
that?"
"BECAUSE," said Nasrudin! "I AM SO LONESOME."
2.
During a religious meeting an attractive young widow leaned too far over the balcony and fell, but her dress caught on a chandelier and held her impended in mid-air. The preacher, of course, immediately noticed the woman's predicament and called out to his congregation: "The first person who looks up there is in danger of being punished with blindness."
Mulla Nasrudin, who was in the congregation whispered to the man next to him, "I THINK I WILL RISK ONE EYE."
3.
"What's the idea of coming in here late every morning, Mulla?" asked the boss.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT, SIR," said Mulla Nasrudin. "YOU HAVE TRAINED ME SO THOROUGHLY NOT TO WATCH THE CLOCK IN THE OFFICE, NOW I AM IN THE HABIT OF NOT LOOKING AT IT AT HOME."
4.
"What's the idea," asked the boss of his new employee, Mulla Nasrudin, "of telling me you had five years' experience, when now I find you never had a job before?"
"WELL," said Nasrudin, "DIDN'T YOU ADVERTISE FOR A MAN WITH IMAGINATION?"
5.
Applicants for a job on a dam had to take a written examination, the first question of which was, "What does hydrodynamics mean?"
Mulla Nasrudin, one of the applicants for the job, looked at this, then wrote against it: "IT MEANS I DON'T GET JOB."
6.
The boss was asked to write a reference for Mulla Nasrudin whom he was dismissing after only one week's work. He would not lie, and he did not want to hurt the Mulla unnecessarily. So he wrote:
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: MULLA NASRUDIN WORKED FOR US FOR ONE WEEK, AND WE ARE SATISFIED."
7.
A man who took his little girls to the amusement park noticed that Mulla Nasrudin kept riding the merry-go-round all afternoon. Once when the merry-go-round stopped, the Mulla rushed off, took a drink of water and headed back again. As he passed near the girls, their father said to him, "Mulla, you certainly do like to ride on the merry-go-round, don't you?"
"NO, I DON'T. RATHER I HATE IT ABSOLUTELY AND AM FEELING VERY SICK BECAUSE OF IT,"
said Nasrudin. "BUT, THE FELLOW WHO OWNS THIS THING OWES ME 80ANDT AKINGIT OUT INT RADEIST HEONLY W AY IW ILLEV ERCOLLECT F ROMHIM."
8.
"I will bet anyone here that I can fire thirty shots at 200 yards and call each shot correctly without waiting for the marker. Who will wager a ten spot on this?" challenged Mulla Nasrudin in the teahouse.
"I will take you," cried a stranger.
They went immediately to the target range, and the Mulla fired his first shot. "MISS," he calmly and promptly announced.
A second shot, "MISSED," repeated the Mulla.
A third shot. "MISSED," snapped the Mulla.
"Hold on there!" said the stranger. "What are you trying to do? You are not even aiming at the target.
And, you have missed three targets already."
"SIR," said Nasrudin, "I AM SHOOTING FOR THAT TEN SPOT OF YOURS, AND I AM CALLING MY SHOT AS PROMISED."
9.
A rich widow had lost all her money in a business deal and was flat broke. She told her lover, Mulla Nasrudin, about it and asked, "Dear, in spite of the fact that I am not rich any more will you still love me?"
"CERTAINLY, HONEY," said Nasrudin, "I WILL. LOVE YOU ALWAYS - EVEN THOUGH I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN."
10.
A patent medicine salesman at the fair was shouting his claims for his Rejuvenation Elixir. "If you don't believe the label, just look at me," he shouted. "I take it and I am 300 years old."
"Is he really that old?" asked a farmer of the salesman's young assistant, Mulla Nasrudin.
"I REALLY DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin. "YOU SEE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR 180 YEARS."
11.
Mulla Nasrudin complained to the health department about his brothers.
"I have got six brothers," he said. "We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There's no air in the room and it's terrible! You have got to do something about it."
"Have you got windows?" asked the man at the health department.
"Yes," said the Mulla.
"Why don't you open them?" he suggested.
"WHAT?" yelled Nasrudin, "AND LOSE ALL MY PIGEONS?"
12.
Mulla Nasrudin had just asked his newest girlfriend to marry him. But she seemed undecided.
"If I should say no to you" she said, "would you commit suicide?"
"THAT," said Nasrudin gallantly, "HAS BEEN MY USUAL PROCEDURE."
13.
The young lady had said she would marry him, and Mulla Nasrudin was holding her tenderly. "I wonder what your folks will think," he said. "Do they know that I write poetry?"
"Not yet, Honey," she said. "I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT YOUR DRINKING AND GAMBLING, BUT I THOUGHT I'D BETTER NOT TELL THEM EVERYTHING AT ONCE."
14.
Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, "Here's a nice one - "TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED."
"WONDERFUL," said Nasrudin. "I WILL TAKE SIX."
15.
"Well, Nasrudin, my boy," said his uncle, "my congratulations! I hear you are engaged to one of the pretty Noyes twins."
"Rather!" replied Mulla Nasrudin, heartily.
"But," said his uncle, "how on earth do you manage to tell them apart?"
"OH," said Nasrudin. "I DON'T TRY!"
16.
"And are mine the only lips, Mulla, you have kissed?" asked she.
"YES," said Nasrudin, "AND THEY ARE THE SWEETEST OF ALL."
17.
"What made you quarrel with Mulla Nasrudin?"
"Well, he proposed to me again last night."
"Where was the harm in it?"
"MY DEAR, I HAD ACCEPTED HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE."
18.
"What do you want with your old letters?" the girl asked her ex-boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin. "I have given you back your ring. Do you think I am going to use your letters to sue you or something?"
"OH, NO," said Nasrudin, "IT'S NOT THAT. I PAID A FELLOW TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS TO WRITE THEM FOR ME AND I MAY WANT TO USE THEM OVER AGAIN."
19.
Mulla Nasrudin said to his girlfriend. "What do you say we do something different tonight, for a change?"
"O.K.," she said. "What do you suggest?"
"YOU TRY TO KISS ME," said Nasrudin, "AND I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE!"
20.
"What's the best way to teach a girl to swim?" a friend asked Mulla Nasrudin.
"First you put your left arm around her waist," said the Mulla. "Then you gently take her left hand and..."
"She's my sister," interrupted the friend.
"OH, THEN PUSH HER OFF THE DOCK," said Nasrudin.
21.
"There just is not any justice in this world," said Mulla Nasrudin to a friend. "I used to be a 97-pound weakling, and whenever I went to the beach with my girl, this big 197-pound bully came over and kicked sand in my face. I decided to do something about it, so I took a weight-lifting course and after a while I weighed 197 pounds."
"So what happened?" his friend asked.
"WELL, AFTER THAT," said Nasrudin, "WHENEVER I WENT TO THE BEACH WITH MY GIRL, A 257-POUND BULLY KICKED SAND IN MY FACE."
22.
"Dorothy, your boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, seems very bashful," said Mama to her daughter.
"Bashful!" echoed the daughter, "bashful is no name for it."
"Why don't you encourage him a little more? Some men have to be taught how to do their courting.
He's a good catch."
"Encourage him!" said the daughter, "he cannot take the most palpable hint. Why, only last night when I sat all alone on the sofa, he perched up in a chair as far away as he could get. I asked him if he didn't think it strange that a man's arm and a woman's waist seemed always to be the same length, and what do you think he did?"
"Why, just what any sensible man would have done - tried it."
"NO," said the daughter. "HE ASKED ME IF I COULD FIND A PIECE OF STRING SO WE COULD MEASURE AND SEE IF IT WAS SO."
23.
"Did you know I am a hero?" said Mulla Nasrudin to his friends in the teahouse.
"How come you're a hero?" asked someone.
"Well, it was my girlfriend's birthday," said the Mulla, "and she said if I ever brought her a gift she would just drop dead in sheer joy. So, I DIDN'T BUY HER ANY AND SAVED HER LIFE."
24.
Mulla Nasrudin finally spoke to his girlfriend's father about marrying his daughter.
"It's a mere formality, I know," said the Mulla, "but we thought you would be pleased if I asked."
"And where did you get the idea," her father asked, "that asking my consent to the marriage was a mere formality?"
"NATURALLY, FROM YOUR WIFE, SIR," said Nasrudin.
25.
Mulla Nasrudin, a party to a suit, was obliged to return home before the jury had brought in its verdict.
When the case was decided in Nasrudin's favour, his lawyer wired him: "RIGHT AND JUSTICE WON."
To which the Mulla replied immediately: "APPEAL AT ONCE."
26.
Mulla Nasrudin had knocked down a woman pedes-trian, and the traffic cop on the corner began to bawl him out, yelling, "You must be blind!"
"What's the matter with you," Nasrudin yelled back.
"I HIT HER, DIDN'T I?"
27.
Mulla Nasrudin, disturbed by the way his taxi driver was whizzing around corners, finally said to him, "WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I DO WHEN I TURN CORNERS - I JUST SHUT MY EYES."
28.
Mulla Nasrudin stood quietly at the bedside of his dying father. "Please, my boy," whispered the old man, "always remember that wealth does not bring happiness."
"YES, FATHER," said Nasrudin, "I REALIZE THAT BUT AT LEAST IT WILL ALLOW ME TO CHOOSE THE KIND OF MISERY I FIND MOST AGREEABLE."
29.
One philosopher said in the teahouse one day: "If you will give me Aristotle's system of logic, I will force my enemy to a conclusion; give me the syllogism, and that is all I ask."
Another philosopher replied: "If you give me the Socratic system of interrogatory, I will run my adversary into a corner."
Mulla Nasrudin hearing all this said: "MY BRETHREN, IF YOU WILL GIVE ME A LITTLE READY CASH, I WILL ALWAYS GAIN MY POINT. I WILL ALWAYS DRIVE MY ADVERSARY TO A CONCLUSION. BECAUSE A LITTLE READY CASH IS A WONDERFUL CLEARER OF THE INTELLECT."
30.
Mulla Nasrudin, hard of hearing, went to the doctor.
"Do you smoke?"
"Yes."
"Much?"
"Sure, all the time."
"Drink?"
"Yes, just about anything at all. Any time, too."
"What about late hours? And girls, do you chase them?"
"Sure thing; I live it up whenever I get the chance." "Well, you will have to cut out all that."
"JUST TO HEAR BETTER? NO THANKS," said Nasrudin, as he walked out of the doctor's office.
31.
The hypochondriac, Mulla Nasrudin, called on his doctor and said, "THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY WIFE. SHE NEVER HAS THE DOCTOR IN."
32.
Mulla Nasrudin complained to the doctor about the size of his bill.
"But, Mulla," said the doctor, "You must remember that I made eleven visits to your home for you."
"YES," said Nasrudin, "BUT YOU SEEM TO BE FORGETTING THAT I INFECTED THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD."
33.
A wandering beggar received so warm a welcome from Mulla Nasrudin that he was astonished and touched.
"Your welcome warms the heart of one who is often rebuffed," said the beggar. "But how did you know, Sir, that I come from another town?"
"JUST THE FACT THAT YOU CAME TO ME," said Nasrudin, "PROVES YOU ARE FROM ANOTHER TOWN. HERE EVERYONE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO CALL ON ME."
34.
A psychiatrist once asked his patient, Mulla Nasrudin, if the latter suffered from fantasies of self- importance. "NO," replied the Mulla, "ON THE CONTRARY, I THINK OF MYSELF AS MUCH LESS THAN I REALLY AM."
35.
Mulla Nasrudin, visiting India, was told he should by all means go on a tiger hunt before returning to his country.
"It's easy," he was assured. "You simply tie a bleating goat in a thicket as night comes on. The cries of the animal will attract a tiger. You are up in a nearby tree. When the tiger arrives, aim your gun between his eyes and blast away."
When the Mulla returned from the hunt he was asked how he made out. "No luck at all," said Nasrudin.
"Those tigers are altogether too clever for me. THEY TRAVEL IN PAIRS,AND EACH ONE CLOSES AN EYE. SO, OF COURSE, I MISSED THEM EVERY TIME."
36.
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: "This is the house of God - This is the gate of Heaven."
Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: "IN OTHER WORDS GO TO HELL!"
37.
"We want a responsible man for this job," said the employer to the applicant, Mulla Nasrudin.
"Well, I guess I am just your man," said Nasrudin.
"NO MATTER WHERE I WORKED, WHENEVER ANYTHING WENT WRONG, THEY TOLD ME I WAS RESPONSIBLE, Sir."
38.
Two fellows at a cocktail party were talking about Mulla Nasrudin, a friend of theirs, who also was there.
"Look at him," the first friend said, "over there in the corner with all those girls standing around listening to him tell big stories and bragging. I thought he was supposed to be a woman hater."
"HE IS," said the second friend, "ONLY HE LEFT HER AT HOME TONIGHT."
39.
"I see you keep copies of all the letters you write to your wife. Do you do that to avoid repeating yourself?" one friend asked Mulla Nasrudin.
"NO," said Nasrudin, "TO AVOID CONTRADICTING MYSELF."
40.
Mulla Nasrudin told his little boy to climb to the top of the step-ladder. He then held his arms open and told the little fellow to jump. As the little boy jumped, the Mulla stepped back and the boy fell flat on his face.
"THAT'S TO TEACH YOU A LESSON," said Nasrudin. "DON'T EVER TRUST ANYBODY, EVEN IF IT IS YOUR OWN FATHER."
41.
Mulla Nasrudin used to say:
"It is easy to understand the truth of the recent report that says that the children of today cry more and behave worse than the children of a generation ago.
BECAUSE THOSE WERE NOT CHILDREN - THEY WERE US."
42.
"You sold me a car two weeks ago," Mulla Nasrudin said to the used-car salesman.
"Yes, Sir, I remember," the salesman said.
"WELL, TELL ME AGAIN ALL YOU SAID ABOUT IT THEN," said Nasrudin. "I AM GETTING DISCOURAGED."
43.
An artist was hunting a spot where he could spend a week or two and do some work in peace and quiet. He had stopped at the village tavern and was talking to one of the customers, Mulla Nasrudin, about staying at his farm.
"I think I'd like to stay up at your farm," the artist said, "provided there is some good scenery. Is there very much to see up there?"
"I am afraid not " said Nasrudin. "OF COURSE, IF YOU LOOK OUT THE FRONT DOOR YOU CAN SEE THE BARN ACROSS THE ROAD, BUT IF YOU LOOK OUT THE BACK DOOR, YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT MOUNTAINS FOR THE NEXT FORTY MILES."
44.
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were sitting on a bench in the park one evening just at dusk. Without knowing that they were close by, a young man and his girl friend sat down at a bench on the other side of a hedge.
Almost immediately, the young man began to talk in the most loving manner imaginable.
"He does not know we are sitting here," Mulla Nasrudin's wife whispered to her husband. "It sounds like he is going to propose to her. I think you should cough or something and warn him."
"WHY SHOULD I WARN HIM?" asked Nasrudin. "NOBODY WARNED ME."
45.
Mulla Nasrudin was testifying in Court. He noticed that everything he was being taken down by the court reporter. As he went along, he began talking faster and still faster. Finally, the reporter was frantic to keep up with him.
Suddenly, the Mulla said, "GOOD GRACIOUS, MISTER, DON'T WRITE SO FAST, I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH YOU!"
46.
Mulla Nasrudin's servant rushed into the room and cried, "Hurry your husband is lying unconscious in the hall beside a large round box with a piece of paper clutched in his hand."
"HOW EXCITING," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife, "MY FUR COAT HAS COME."
47.
Mulla Nasrudin trying to pull his car out of a parking space banged into the car ahead. Then he backed into the car behind. Finally, after pulling into the street, he hit a beer truck. When the police arrived, the patrolman said, "Let's see your licence, Sir."
"DON'T BE SILLY," said Nasrudin. "WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD GIVE ME A LICENCE?"
48.
The preacher was chatting with Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day.
"I felt so sorry for your wife in the mosque last Friday," he said, "when she had that terrible spell of coughing and everyone turned to look at her."
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT," said the Mulla. "SHE HAD ON HER NEW SPRING HAT."
49.
The barber asked Mulla Nasrudin, "How did you lose your hair, Mulla?"
"Worry," said Nasrudin.
"What did you worry about?" asked the barber.
"ABOUT LOSING MY HAIR," said Nasrudin.
50.
"You sure look depressed," a fellow said to Mulla Nasrudin. "What's the trouble?"
"Well," said the Mulla, "you remember my aunt who just died. I was the one who had her confined to the mental hospital for the last five years of her life.
When she died, she left me all her money. NOW I HAVE GOT TO PROVE THAT SHE WAS OF SOUND MIND WHEN SHE MADE HER WILL SIX WEEKS AGO."
"BECAUSE," said Nasrudin! "I AM SO LONESOME."
2.
During a religious meeting an attractive young widow leaned too far over the balcony and fell, but her dress caught on a chandelier and held her impended in mid-air. The preacher, of course, immediately noticed the woman's predicament and called out to his congregation: "The first person who looks up there is in danger of being punished with blindness."
Mulla Nasrudin, who was in the congregation whispered to the man next to him, "I THINK I WILL RISK ONE EYE."
3.
"What's the idea of coming in here late every morning, Mulla?" asked the boss.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT, SIR," said Mulla Nasrudin. "YOU HAVE TRAINED ME SO THOROUGHLY NOT TO WATCH THE CLOCK IN THE OFFICE, NOW I AM IN THE HABIT OF NOT LOOKING AT IT AT HOME."
4.
"What's the idea," asked the boss of his new employee, Mulla Nasrudin, "of telling me you had five years' experience, when now I find you never had a job before?"
"WELL," said Nasrudin, "DIDN'T YOU ADVERTISE FOR A MAN WITH IMAGINATION?"
5.
Applicants for a job on a dam had to take a written examination, the first question of which was, "What does hydrodynamics mean?"
Mulla Nasrudin, one of the applicants for the job, looked at this, then wrote against it: "IT MEANS I DON'T GET JOB."
6.
The boss was asked to write a reference for Mulla Nasrudin whom he was dismissing after only one week's work. He would not lie, and he did not want to hurt the Mulla unnecessarily. So he wrote:
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: MULLA NASRUDIN WORKED FOR US FOR ONE WEEK, AND WE ARE SATISFIED."
7.
A man who took his little girls to the amusement park noticed that Mulla Nasrudin kept riding the merry-go-round all afternoon. Once when the merry-go-round stopped, the Mulla rushed off, took a drink of water and headed back again. As he passed near the girls, their father said to him, "Mulla, you certainly do like to ride on the merry-go-round, don't you?"
"NO, I DON'T. RATHER I HATE IT ABSOLUTELY AND AM FEELING VERY SICK BECAUSE OF IT,"
said Nasrudin. "BUT, THE FELLOW WHO OWNS THIS THING OWES ME 80ANDT AKINGIT OUT INT RADEIST HEONLY W AY IW ILLEV ERCOLLECT F ROMHIM."
8.
"I will bet anyone here that I can fire thirty shots at 200 yards and call each shot correctly without waiting for the marker. Who will wager a ten spot on this?" challenged Mulla Nasrudin in the teahouse.
"I will take you," cried a stranger.
They went immediately to the target range, and the Mulla fired his first shot. "MISS," he calmly and promptly announced.
A second shot, "MISSED," repeated the Mulla.
A third shot. "MISSED," snapped the Mulla.
"Hold on there!" said the stranger. "What are you trying to do? You are not even aiming at the target.
And, you have missed three targets already."
"SIR," said Nasrudin, "I AM SHOOTING FOR THAT TEN SPOT OF YOURS, AND I AM CALLING MY SHOT AS PROMISED."
9.
A rich widow had lost all her money in a business deal and was flat broke. She told her lover, Mulla Nasrudin, about it and asked, "Dear, in spite of the fact that I am not rich any more will you still love me?"
"CERTAINLY, HONEY," said Nasrudin, "I WILL. LOVE YOU ALWAYS - EVEN THOUGH I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN."
10.
A patent medicine salesman at the fair was shouting his claims for his Rejuvenation Elixir. "If you don't believe the label, just look at me," he shouted. "I take it and I am 300 years old."
"Is he really that old?" asked a farmer of the salesman's young assistant, Mulla Nasrudin.
"I REALLY DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin. "YOU SEE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR 180 YEARS."
11.
Mulla Nasrudin complained to the health department about his brothers.
"I have got six brothers," he said. "We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There's no air in the room and it's terrible! You have got to do something about it."
"Have you got windows?" asked the man at the health department.
"Yes," said the Mulla.
"Why don't you open them?" he suggested.
"WHAT?" yelled Nasrudin, "AND LOSE ALL MY PIGEONS?"
12.
Mulla Nasrudin had just asked his newest girlfriend to marry him. But she seemed undecided.
"If I should say no to you" she said, "would you commit suicide?"
"THAT," said Nasrudin gallantly, "HAS BEEN MY USUAL PROCEDURE."
13.
The young lady had said she would marry him, and Mulla Nasrudin was holding her tenderly. "I wonder what your folks will think," he said. "Do they know that I write poetry?"
"Not yet, Honey," she said. "I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT YOUR DRINKING AND GAMBLING, BUT I THOUGHT I'D BETTER NOT TELL THEM EVERYTHING AT ONCE."
14.
Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards.
The salesman said, "Here's a nice one - "TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED."
"WONDERFUL," said Nasrudin. "I WILL TAKE SIX."
15.
"Well, Nasrudin, my boy," said his uncle, "my congratulations! I hear you are engaged to one of the pretty Noyes twins."
"Rather!" replied Mulla Nasrudin, heartily.
"But," said his uncle, "how on earth do you manage to tell them apart?"
"OH," said Nasrudin. "I DON'T TRY!"
16.
"And are mine the only lips, Mulla, you have kissed?" asked she.
"YES," said Nasrudin, "AND THEY ARE THE SWEETEST OF ALL."
17.
"What made you quarrel with Mulla Nasrudin?"
"Well, he proposed to me again last night."
"Where was the harm in it?"
"MY DEAR, I HAD ACCEPTED HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE."
18.
"What do you want with your old letters?" the girl asked her ex-boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin. "I have given you back your ring. Do you think I am going to use your letters to sue you or something?"
"OH, NO," said Nasrudin, "IT'S NOT THAT. I PAID A FELLOW TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS TO WRITE THEM FOR ME AND I MAY WANT TO USE THEM OVER AGAIN."
19.
Mulla Nasrudin said to his girlfriend. "What do you say we do something different tonight, for a change?"
"O.K.," she said. "What do you suggest?"
"YOU TRY TO KISS ME," said Nasrudin, "AND I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE!"
20.
"What's the best way to teach a girl to swim?" a friend asked Mulla Nasrudin.
"First you put your left arm around her waist," said the Mulla. "Then you gently take her left hand and..."
"She's my sister," interrupted the friend.
"OH, THEN PUSH HER OFF THE DOCK," said Nasrudin.
21.
"There just is not any justice in this world," said Mulla Nasrudin to a friend. "I used to be a 97-pound weakling, and whenever I went to the beach with my girl, this big 197-pound bully came over and kicked sand in my face. I decided to do something about it, so I took a weight-lifting course and after a while I weighed 197 pounds."
"So what happened?" his friend asked.
"WELL, AFTER THAT," said Nasrudin, "WHENEVER I WENT TO THE BEACH WITH MY GIRL, A 257-POUND BULLY KICKED SAND IN MY FACE."
22.
"Dorothy, your boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, seems very bashful," said Mama to her daughter.
"Bashful!" echoed the daughter, "bashful is no name for it."
"Why don't you encourage him a little more? Some men have to be taught how to do their courting.
He's a good catch."
"Encourage him!" said the daughter, "he cannot take the most palpable hint. Why, only last night when I sat all alone on the sofa, he perched up in a chair as far away as he could get. I asked him if he didn't think it strange that a man's arm and a woman's waist seemed always to be the same length, and what do you think he did?"
"Why, just what any sensible man would have done - tried it."
"NO," said the daughter. "HE ASKED ME IF I COULD FIND A PIECE OF STRING SO WE COULD MEASURE AND SEE IF IT WAS SO."
23.
"Did you know I am a hero?" said Mulla Nasrudin to his friends in the teahouse.
"How come you're a hero?" asked someone.
"Well, it was my girlfriend's birthday," said the Mulla, "and she said if I ever brought her a gift she would just drop dead in sheer joy. So, I DIDN'T BUY HER ANY AND SAVED HER LIFE."
24.
Mulla Nasrudin finally spoke to his girlfriend's father about marrying his daughter.
"It's a mere formality, I know," said the Mulla, "but we thought you would be pleased if I asked."
"And where did you get the idea," her father asked, "that asking my consent to the marriage was a mere formality?"
"NATURALLY, FROM YOUR WIFE, SIR," said Nasrudin.
25.
Mulla Nasrudin, a party to a suit, was obliged to return home before the jury had brought in its verdict.
When the case was decided in Nasrudin's favour, his lawyer wired him: "RIGHT AND JUSTICE WON."
To which the Mulla replied immediately: "APPEAL AT ONCE."
26.
Mulla Nasrudin had knocked down a woman pedes-trian, and the traffic cop on the corner began to bawl him out, yelling, "You must be blind!"
"What's the matter with you," Nasrudin yelled back.
"I HIT HER, DIDN'T I?"
27.
Mulla Nasrudin, disturbed by the way his taxi driver was whizzing around corners, finally said to him, "WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I DO WHEN I TURN CORNERS - I JUST SHUT MY EYES."
28.
Mulla Nasrudin stood quietly at the bedside of his dying father. "Please, my boy," whispered the old man, "always remember that wealth does not bring happiness."
"YES, FATHER," said Nasrudin, "I REALIZE THAT BUT AT LEAST IT WILL ALLOW ME TO CHOOSE THE KIND OF MISERY I FIND MOST AGREEABLE."
29.
One philosopher said in the teahouse one day: "If you will give me Aristotle's system of logic, I will force my enemy to a conclusion; give me the syllogism, and that is all I ask."
Another philosopher replied: "If you give me the Socratic system of interrogatory, I will run my adversary into a corner."
Mulla Nasrudin hearing all this said: "MY BRETHREN, IF YOU WILL GIVE ME A LITTLE READY CASH, I WILL ALWAYS GAIN MY POINT. I WILL ALWAYS DRIVE MY ADVERSARY TO A CONCLUSION. BECAUSE A LITTLE READY CASH IS A WONDERFUL CLEARER OF THE INTELLECT."
30.
Mulla Nasrudin, hard of hearing, went to the doctor.
"Do you smoke?"
"Yes."
"Much?"
"Sure, all the time."
"Drink?"
"Yes, just about anything at all. Any time, too."
"What about late hours? And girls, do you chase them?"
"Sure thing; I live it up whenever I get the chance." "Well, you will have to cut out all that."
"JUST TO HEAR BETTER? NO THANKS," said Nasrudin, as he walked out of the doctor's office.
31.
The hypochondriac, Mulla Nasrudin, called on his doctor and said, "THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY WIFE. SHE NEVER HAS THE DOCTOR IN."
32.
Mulla Nasrudin complained to the doctor about the size of his bill.
"But, Mulla," said the doctor, "You must remember that I made eleven visits to your home for you."
"YES," said Nasrudin, "BUT YOU SEEM TO BE FORGETTING THAT I INFECTED THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD."
33.
A wandering beggar received so warm a welcome from Mulla Nasrudin that he was astonished and touched.
"Your welcome warms the heart of one who is often rebuffed," said the beggar. "But how did you know, Sir, that I come from another town?"
"JUST THE FACT THAT YOU CAME TO ME," said Nasrudin, "PROVES YOU ARE FROM ANOTHER TOWN. HERE EVERYONE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO CALL ON ME."
34.
A psychiatrist once asked his patient, Mulla Nasrudin, if the latter suffered from fantasies of self- importance. "NO," replied the Mulla, "ON THE CONTRARY, I THINK OF MYSELF AS MUCH LESS THAN I REALLY AM."
35.
Mulla Nasrudin, visiting India, was told he should by all means go on a tiger hunt before returning to his country.
"It's easy," he was assured. "You simply tie a bleating goat in a thicket as night comes on. The cries of the animal will attract a tiger. You are up in a nearby tree. When the tiger arrives, aim your gun between his eyes and blast away."
When the Mulla returned from the hunt he was asked how he made out. "No luck at all," said Nasrudin.
"Those tigers are altogether too clever for me. THEY TRAVEL IN PAIRS,AND EACH ONE CLOSES AN EYE. SO, OF COURSE, I MISSED THEM EVERY TIME."
36.
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: "This is the house of God - This is the gate of Heaven."
Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: "IN OTHER WORDS GO TO HELL!"
37.
"We want a responsible man for this job," said the employer to the applicant, Mulla Nasrudin.
"Well, I guess I am just your man," said Nasrudin.
"NO MATTER WHERE I WORKED, WHENEVER ANYTHING WENT WRONG, THEY TOLD ME I WAS RESPONSIBLE, Sir."
38.
Two fellows at a cocktail party were talking about Mulla Nasrudin, a friend of theirs, who also was there.
"Look at him," the first friend said, "over there in the corner with all those girls standing around listening to him tell big stories and bragging. I thought he was supposed to be a woman hater."
"HE IS," said the second friend, "ONLY HE LEFT HER AT HOME TONIGHT."
39.
"I see you keep copies of all the letters you write to your wife. Do you do that to avoid repeating yourself?" one friend asked Mulla Nasrudin.
"NO," said Nasrudin, "TO AVOID CONTRADICTING MYSELF."
40.
Mulla Nasrudin told his little boy to climb to the top of the step-ladder. He then held his arms open and told the little fellow to jump. As the little boy jumped, the Mulla stepped back and the boy fell flat on his face.
"THAT'S TO TEACH YOU A LESSON," said Nasrudin. "DON'T EVER TRUST ANYBODY, EVEN IF IT IS YOUR OWN FATHER."
41.
Mulla Nasrudin used to say:
"It is easy to understand the truth of the recent report that says that the children of today cry more and behave worse than the children of a generation ago.
BECAUSE THOSE WERE NOT CHILDREN - THEY WERE US."
42.
"You sold me a car two weeks ago," Mulla Nasrudin said to the used-car salesman.
"Yes, Sir, I remember," the salesman said.
"WELL, TELL ME AGAIN ALL YOU SAID ABOUT IT THEN," said Nasrudin. "I AM GETTING DISCOURAGED."
43.
An artist was hunting a spot where he could spend a week or two and do some work in peace and quiet. He had stopped at the village tavern and was talking to one of the customers, Mulla Nasrudin, about staying at his farm.
"I think I'd like to stay up at your farm," the artist said, "provided there is some good scenery. Is there very much to see up there?"
"I am afraid not " said Nasrudin. "OF COURSE, IF YOU LOOK OUT THE FRONT DOOR YOU CAN SEE THE BARN ACROSS THE ROAD, BUT IF YOU LOOK OUT THE BACK DOOR, YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT MOUNTAINS FOR THE NEXT FORTY MILES."
44.
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were sitting on a bench in the park one evening just at dusk. Without knowing that they were close by, a young man and his girl friend sat down at a bench on the other side of a hedge.
Almost immediately, the young man began to talk in the most loving manner imaginable.
"He does not know we are sitting here," Mulla Nasrudin's wife whispered to her husband. "It sounds like he is going to propose to her. I think you should cough or something and warn him."
"WHY SHOULD I WARN HIM?" asked Nasrudin. "NOBODY WARNED ME."
45.
Mulla Nasrudin was testifying in Court. He noticed that everything he was being taken down by the court reporter. As he went along, he began talking faster and still faster. Finally, the reporter was frantic to keep up with him.
Suddenly, the Mulla said, "GOOD GRACIOUS, MISTER, DON'T WRITE SO FAST, I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH YOU!"
46.
Mulla Nasrudin's servant rushed into the room and cried, "Hurry your husband is lying unconscious in the hall beside a large round box with a piece of paper clutched in his hand."
"HOW EXCITING," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife, "MY FUR COAT HAS COME."
47.
Mulla Nasrudin trying to pull his car out of a parking space banged into the car ahead. Then he backed into the car behind. Finally, after pulling into the street, he hit a beer truck. When the police arrived, the patrolman said, "Let's see your licence, Sir."
"DON'T BE SILLY," said Nasrudin. "WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD GIVE ME A LICENCE?"
48.
The preacher was chatting with Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day.
"I felt so sorry for your wife in the mosque last Friday," he said, "when she had that terrible spell of coughing and everyone turned to look at her."
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT," said the Mulla. "SHE HAD ON HER NEW SPRING HAT."
49.
The barber asked Mulla Nasrudin, "How did you lose your hair, Mulla?"
"Worry," said Nasrudin.
"What did you worry about?" asked the barber.
"ABOUT LOSING MY HAIR," said Nasrudin.
50.
"You sure look depressed," a fellow said to Mulla Nasrudin. "What's the trouble?"
"Well," said the Mulla, "you remember my aunt who just died. I was the one who had her confined to the mental hospital for the last five years of her life.
When she died, she left me all her money. NOW I HAVE GOT TO PROVE THAT SHE WAS OF SOUND MIND WHEN SHE MADE HER WILL SIX WEEKS AGO."
No comments:
Post a Comment
🙏 Hello.! Friends.! Welcome To Our Blogger Website Enlightened Osho 🙏